Funny classic lines...

Got this email from my friend Paolo Zalameda... this is so funny so I decided to share this with you guys. Read on...

NAP GUTIERREZ INTERVIEWING MANILYN REYNES IN MOVIE MAGAZINE

NAP: Saan ka movie outfit nakakontrata?
MANILYN: So far, hindi ko naman pinoproblema ang mga wardrobes ko kasi ex-deal naman eh.

JULLIE YAP DAZA GUESTING ON VILMA!
JULLIE: O Vi nag-guest na ko dito sa show. Ikaw, kailan ka naman mag-ge-guest sa show ko?
VILMA: Alam mo naman Tita Jullie, busy kami ni Ralph sa pag-a-arrange ng kasal namin. Siguro pagkatapos na lang ng marriage!

If I were to compare the stars of my era with the star discoveries of Dr. Rey Dela Cruz, it would be like placing the Taj Majal of India side by side with a Volkswagen. * CELIA RODRIGUEZ (ano daw??)

RITA GOMEZ AS A JUDGE IN A BB. PILIPINAS PAGEANT, ASKING A CANDIDATE A QUESTION DURING THE Q AND A (CANDIDATE INCIDENTALLY IS MARIA ISABEL LOPEZ)
RITA: Here's your question, hija: Are you still a virgin?
MARIA ISABEL: If I say I still am, can I bring home the crown tonight?
RITA: Good answer!
MARIA ISABEL: What about you Ma'am, are you still a virgin?
RITA: Hija I have 5 children with 5 different fathers,what do you
call that, Immaculate Conception???

Ang ganda ng gospel number na yon, napaka-enlighting. Teka magpupunas lang ako, I'm sweatening. * VILMA SANTOS

Thank you, Lucky for the flowers...where did they came from? * VILMA SANTOS (kwela rin pala si ate vi!)

Being Miss Universe is like having a birthstone, you may lose it. Being a Filipina is like having a birthmark, it's forever. * MARGIE MORAN DURING THE Q AND A PORTION OF THE 1973 MISS UNIVERSE, ASKED WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING MISS UNIVERSE AND BEING A FILIPINA

Salamat po sa Board of Judges. Ito na ho yata ang pinakamaligaya kong pasko at manigong bagong taon sa inyong lahat. * MELANIE MARQUEZ'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH FOR WINNING BEST ACTRESS IN A METRO FILMFEST (shet classic talaga si MM!)

Successful naman ang libing ng nanay ko. * BABETTE VILLARUEL

"Sa tingin ko ang pinaka-asset ko sa mukha ko ay ugali! Mabait kasi ako eh" * MR. POGI CONTESTANT'S ANSWER TO THE QUESTION: ANO SA MUKHA MO ANG PINAKA-ASSET MO?

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Ma. Rosario Liboon, I come from the beautiful city of Pangasinan...City! * SHE'S GOT THE LOOK CONTESTANT bahahaha yung contest pa lang mismo classic na!

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Carmelita Hernandez, I come from Pasay City and I want to be a medicine! * ANOTHER SHE'S GOT THE LOOK CONTESTANT DURING THE PARADE OF CONTESTANTS

EDU: So who's to blame?
VILMA: Excuse me, it's not my fault anymore. It's your fault anymore!

OVERHEARD FROM A GIRL NA GALIT SA KARARATING NA BOYFRIEND SA STARBUCKS.
GIRL: My God you're so late. Where did you...Where have you...Where
do you... saan ka ba galing???

HOST: WHICH DO YOU PREFER: BLONDE OR DUMB?
GIRL: DUMB NA LANG AT LEAST HINDI AKO MAPAGKAKAMALANG BLONDE! (?)(!)

DESSA AFTER SINGING A SPOT NUMBER IN A REGINE VELASQUEZ CONCERT. DESSA APPARENTLY SANG A VERY VOCALLY CHALLENGING SONG AND AS EXPECTED, ENDED IT WITH A THROAT BREAKING NOTE. REGINE ENTERS.
DESSA: O kala mo ikaw lang ang mataas ang boses.Kaya mo yun?
REGINE: Eh ano ngayon, maganda ka ba?

SABRINA M. MAKES TARAY TO OSANG IN A TALK SHOW.
SABRINA M: At least hindi naman ako katulad ng iba diyan na retokado ang boobs.
OSANG: Hoy Sabrina, oo nga itong boobs ko retokado. Pero at least
ang ngipin ko hindi pustiso tulad ng sa yo! Ooops huwag kang magagalit baka malaglag yan sa sahig!

"I am inviting all the televiewers to watch our movie "14 Going Steady" on the twenty-twoth of November...." (HAY NAKU, O SIYA....) - Nadia Montenegro

"Sana po'y panoorin natin ang The Life Story Of Julie Vega...alam kong masaya si Julie ngayon dahil it's just around the corner. (GAWIN DAW BANG CHRISTMAS SPIRIT SI JULIE?) - Nadia Montenegro

"I am not an addict. I am the victims!" (WALA TALAGA SIYANG PAGOD, NO?) - Melanie Marquez

Host: "Ano ba ang pinaka-favorite mong movie lately, Melanie?"
Melanie: "Maganda yung kay Emma Thompson at Kate Winslet, yung "Simple and Simplicity." (it's supposed to be Sense and Sensibility)

"Magandang Tanghali po, ako po si Luzviminda Cortez mula sa Camarines Sur, sumalangit na po ang inyong kaluluwa!" - Miss Gay Philippines A CANDIDATE OF GAY PARADE

Bb. Filipina contestant was asked by Apa Ongpin which of the five senses she could do without, she answered "my eyes". Apa asked, why her eyes? She replied, "Because I've got beautiful eyes." (with matching sultry look) (zoolander siguro apelido nya)

When asked what place in the Philippines she would boast about, Calendar girl contestant replied: "Bocaue". Intrigued hosts ask, "What about Bocaue? What's in it to boast about?" Girl replied: "Why, the Bocaue rice terraces of course." (0_o)


A reporter complimented Mark Anthony Fernandez: "Mark Anthony, ang cute-cute mo, you've got rosy cheeks just like your mom!" To which he replied: "Syempre, it runs to the blood eh." (oo nga naman...)

Melanie Marquez and Boy Abunda:
Boy: O Melanie, paano na ang showbiz career mo ngayong nagmo-mormon ka na?
Melanie: Ah okay lang yan Boy kasi matagal na rin akong semi-retarded. (di ka talaga titigil no!?)

Super Sireyna contest:
Emcee: Anong masasabi mo sa death penalty?
Bading: A ano po yun toot por toot, eye por eye.
Emcee: Paki-eksplika nga?
Bading: Ganito po yun: kung pinatay mo ang nanay ko, dapat, patayin din ang nanay mo!

Little Miss Philippines contest
Emcee: Anong gusto mong maging paglaki mo?
Little Miss Contestant: Maging lalaki po. (harharhar)

Mr. World Philippines contest
Emcee: What do you think should a man possess to be successful?
Contestant: I think, that for a man to be successful, he should be a responsible, because if he should not be a responsible, he will not have a successful. That is all. I thank you. (walang bow??)

Kuya Germs, interviewing the boygroup, 98 degrees
Kuya Germs: Are you already married?
98 member: No, i'm still single.
Kuya Germs: WOW! Imagine that! What a koynseedense! Three years ago, you are here, you are single. i am here, i am single. now, three years after, you are still here, you are still single. i am still here, i am still single! it's anbeeleebabol! (hayup!)

Hetero talent scout, sighting a super gorgeous girl, and trying to score points
Talent scout: Excuse me. Are you a commercial? (after five milliseconds and realizing booboo)... model?
The weird part of this story is that, kumagat ang girl. at magsyota na sila ni Mr. booboo. baka mas malala pa ingles ni girl kasi.

Leonardo Litton and Rodel Velayo, guesting on keep on dancing
Charlene Gonzales: Hi Leonardo, hi Rodel, welcome to keep on dancing!
Leonardo Litton: Welcome din po! n_n


Alma Moreno wrapping up the conversation with guest Joey Albert in her now defunct show Rated A. Joey De Leon was the co-host.
Alma: So Joey, paki ulit muli yung concert mo sa University of Belt.
Joey de leon: Ness naman eh, kaya tayo pinagtatawanan eh, University Belt

Eto bloopers sa now defunct game show na GoBingo!

Question: Saan sinusuot ang basketball jersey?
Answer: Sa paa

Question: Anung nationality ng sanggol na may amang Filipino Catholic at Protestanteng Ina?
Answer: American

Question: Ano ang ginagamit ng mga Eskimo sa halikan?
Answer: Dila

Question: Ilan ang paa ng pilay na pusa?
Answer: Tatlo

Question: Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube, pero tinatawag ng iba na
boob tube. Ano ito?
Answer: Bra

Question: Anong bukol ang makikita sa leeg ng mga lalaki
Answer: Kiss mark

Question: Ano sa Tagalog ang asul?
Answer: Blue

Question: May dalawang baboy sa kulungan. Tumalon ang isa. Ilan ang
paa ng isang baboy?
Answer: Dalawa pa rin

Question: Sa anong bansa nakatira ang mga Hindu?
Answer: Hindunesia

Question: Ano ang isinusuot ng taong walang buhok?
Answer: Kalbo

Question: Ano ang kasunod ng kidlat?
Answer: Sunog

Question: Para saan ang anti-dandruff shampoo?
Answer: Kuto

Question: Kung manicure sa kamay, ano ang sa paa?
Answer: Kuko

Question: Ano ang nasa gitna ng donut?
Answer: Palaman

Question: What is the capital of the Philippines?
Answer: P