Nokia N7.65

CUSTOM MADE NOKIA Phone

NOW YOU CAN TAKE THAT CALL WHEN YOU'RE IN THE TRAIN , TAXI , JEEPNEY, BUS OR YOUR PRIVATE VEHICLE! Your days of being afraid to answer your phone in public are over!!!!

NOKIA 7.65 - CUSTOMIZED FOR PHILIPPINE CONDITIONS

Miscommunication

A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk.

So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.

About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.

Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........

Tawa naman dyan...

Lumalabas ang kakulangan natin sa iodize salt pagdating sa mga trivia game show sa TV. Mapa Family-Feud, The weakest Link, o Gobingo, hindi pahuhuli sa pagalingan ang mga mamamayang Pilipino, lalo na sa kung mabilisan!”

SET THE CLOCK….

Host: Ano sa Ingles ang “hinlalaki”?
Contestant: Thumbmark

Host: Ano ang ginagamit ng mga swimmers para bumilis ang kanilang paglanggoy?
Contestant: Fast Shoes

Host: Kung si Superman ay may Lois Lane, ano naman ang kay Robinhood?
contestant: Pana.

Host: Anong “S” ang inuupuan pag nakasakay sa kabayo?
contestant: Silya

Host: Ano ang karaniwang hugis ng manibela?
contestant: Triangular

Host: Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube, pero tinatawag ng iba na boob tube. Ano ito?
contestant: Bra

Host: Kelan ang Pasko sa Davao?
contestant: PASS…

Host: Anong tawag sa isdang hindi bilasa?
contestant: tuyo

Host: Ilan ang legs ng cartoon character na si Spiderman?
contestant: Eight

Host: Ano ang nationality ng sanggol na may amang Filipino Catholic at Protestanteng Ina?
Contestant: American

Host: Merong four seasons: winter, spring, summer, at fall. kelan nahuhulog ang mga dahon?
contestant: sa storm

Host: Anong bukol ang makikita sa leeg ng mga lalaki?
contestant: Kiss mark

Host: ano ang kulay ng orange juice kapag nilagay sa blue na baso?
contestant: ...Violet

Host: anong malambot na bahagi sa ulo ng sanggol?
contestant: batok

Host: magbigay ng bagay na ipini-pin sa damit?
contestant: Hairpin

Host: Ano ang nagpapaalat sa itlog na maalat?
contestant: Puti

Host: ano ang tawag sa mga needle-like projections na nakasabit sa ceiling ng mga caves?
contestant: Ice pick

Host: ano ang tawag sa plastic bag na lalagyan ng basura?
contestant: plastic bag na nilalagyan ng basura.

Host: anong C ang paboritong kainin ng mga rabbit?
contestant: Cacamber

Host: ang urine ay liquid: TRUE OR FALSE
contestant: False

Host: anong ang system ng MAth na gumagamit ng symbols instead of numbers?
contestant: ummm…China?

Host: anong ginawa ni MOses sa Red Sea?
contestant: Stop

Host: what is the capital of the Philippines?
contestant: P

Host: anong klaseng sapatos ang ginagamit ng mga basketbolista?
contestant: adidas

Host: sino ang pumatay kay David?
contestant: Goliath

host: ano ang tawag sa taong walang suot sa paa?
contestant: Slipperless

Host: kung ang bulag ay blind ano naman ang english ng pipi?
contestant: Walang salita

Host: anong sea creature ang kalahating kabayo at kalahating isda?
contestant: syokoy

Host: ano ang nasa gitna ng donut?
contestant: palaman

Host: ang salad dressing ba ay damit
contestant: (sandaling nagisip) YES!

Host: Anong klaseng sasakyan ang inaayos sa hangar?
contestant: sirang sasakyan

host: ano ang nilalagay sa sewing machine?
contestant: lagari?

host: ilan taon meron sa leap year?
contestant: 365

host: anong hayop ang di-nakakakita sa sa araw ngunit nakakakita sa dilim?
contestant: flashlight

host: Ano ang tawag sa laro kung saan ang dalawang team ang naghihilahan sa isang lubid?
contestant: tumbang-preso

host: kung manicure sa kamay, ano ang sa paa?
contestant: kuko

host: ano ang isunusuot ng mga boksingero sa ulo nila bilang proteksyon?
contestant: Sumbrero

host: ano ang tawag sa laman sa loob ng buto: marrow or muscle?
contestant: karne

host: para saa ang anti-dandruff shampoo?
contestant: kuto

host: anong englis ng ampalaya?
contestant: asparagus

host: ilang metro mayroon sa 300 meters?
contestant: 3000

host: anong sasakyan ang gamit sa “tour de france”?
contestant: Kalesa

Host: ano ang kasunod ng kidlat?
contestant: sunog

host: saan matatagpuan ang Quebec?
contestant: afghanistan

host: tinuturo ang G-clef sa anong “M” na subject?
contestant: Mathematics

host: ano ang halaman na tumitiklop kapag ito’y nahawakan?
contestant: Hiya-hiya

host: ano ang itlog na ayon sa iba, nakakapagpatigas ng tuhod?
contestant: TAMA!

host: ano ang isinusuot ng taong walang buhok?
contestant: Kalbo

host: anong zip ang ginagamit sa pagbukas ng pantalon?
contestant: pagbukas ng bag

host: anong “D” ang first word sa stanza ng JIngle bells?
contestant: dyingel?

host: anong “H” ang tawag sa taong nagiisa?
contestant: home alone

host: Sa anong bansa nakatira ang mga Hindu?
contestant: hindunesia

host: kungang ubo ay sa bibig, ano naman ang sa ilong?
contestant: Vicks

host: ano ang kulay ng strawberry?
contestant: ube

host: anong klaseng animal ang Afghan Hound?
contestant: Afghanistan

host: sinong American president ang nagkapolyo noong 1920’s
contestant: Apolinario Mabini..

Why Tech Support Guys are paid so much...

1) Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

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2) Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting

the same error message."

Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

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3).Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer:: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer: "No..."

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4).Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"

Tech Support:: ?!%#$

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5).Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you

see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

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6) Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"

Customer:: "A white one."

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7). Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."

Customer:: "How do you spell that?"

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8). Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"

Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."

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9). Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"

Customer: "Pentium."

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10). Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

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11).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."

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12).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

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13). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print

document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

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14). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open

24

hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

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15). Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support:: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

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16). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his

Computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and

it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is

frustrated and fed up.

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is

an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM <http://nosmoke.com/> at the end

of the CONFIG.SYS. Let

me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User: MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with

NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the

file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.

Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?

User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he

started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

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17) customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and

may I help u in finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Silent Quotes

Bakit ba pati ako, binibigyan nyo ng malisya?
Ano ba ang kasalanan ko?!"
- Talong

"Hindi lahat ng malakas, super hero!"
- Putok

"Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?"
- Lego

"Kahit papaano, gusto ko din ng exposure!"
- Singit

"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa iyo. Ayoko lang
naman na sa harap ng maraming tao, ganun mo na lang ako itanggi!"
- Utot

"Hindi lahat ng hinog ay matamis!"
- Pigsa


"You never even thank me for making you happy, then you throw me away
just like that. I hate you for using me, for making my life full of
shit!"
- Tissue


"Panakip butas mo lang pala ako!".
- Panty

"Pinapaikot mo lang ako! Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang patayin mo na
lang ako".
- Electric fan

"Hindi lahat na walang salawal ay bastos!"
- winnie d' pooh

"Ayoko na! Pag nagmamahal ako, lagi na lang maraming tao ang
nagagalit! Wala ba akong karapatang magmahal?!"
-Gasolina


"Hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin C"
-kili kili

"Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
-Libag

Anung kasalanan ko sa iyo, iniwan mo na lang akong duguan..."
-Sanitary Napkin

"Bwisit na buhay ito! Araw-araw na lang, itlog! Umaga, tanghali,
gabi, itlog! Itlog! Itlog! Lagi na lang itlog!"
-Brief

"Sige, kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo!
-deodorant

"Ako lang ang makakapagpadugo ng ilong ni Manny Pacquiao!"
- English

"Hindi totoong anak ko si Bakekang! At lalong hindi ko kapatid si
Mike Enriquez! Kaya pwede ba, tigilan na ang tsismis na yan!"
- Shrek

Tagalog translations of popular Amercan movies

33. The Lord of the Rings —Ang Alahero

32. Beauty and the Beast — Ang Asawa Ko at Ang Nanay Nya

31. Dude, Where’s My Car — Dong, Anong Level Ulit Tayo Nag-Park?

30. Too Fast, Too Furious — Kapag Sobrang Bitin, Sobrang Galit

29. The Fast and The Furious — Ang Bitin, Galit

28. Gone in 60 Seconds — One Round, Tulog

27. Never Been Kissed — Pangit Kasi (Ha, ha, ha!)

26. Nightmare Before Christmas — Binangungot sa Noche Buena

25. The Grudge — Lintik Lang ang Walang Ganti

24. Kill Bill — Kilitiin sa Bilbil

23. Resident Evil — Ang Biyenan

22. Employee of the Month — Ang Sipsip

21. There’s Something About Mary — May Kwan sa Ano ni Maria

20. Waterworld — Basang-Basa

19. The Day of the Dead — Ayaw Tumayo (ng Mga Patay)

18. Brokeback Mountain — Bumigay sa Bundok

17. Click — Isang Pindot Ka Lang

16. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone — Adik Si Harry, Tumira ng Shabu

15. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly — Ako, Ikaw, Kayong Lahat (He, he, he!)

14. Four Weddings and a Funeral — Kahit Apat na Beses Ka Pang Magpakasal, Mamamatay Ka Rin

13. Robin Hood, Men in Tights — Si Robin Hood at Ang Mga Felix Bakat

12. Pretty Woman — Ganda ng Lola Mo

11. Swordfish — Talakitok

10. Sum of All Fears — Takot Mo, Takot Ko, Takot Nating Lahat

9. The Postman Always Rings Twice — Ang Kartero Kapag Dumutdot Laging Dalawang Beses

8. Snakes on a Plane — Nag-ahasan sa Ere

7. Mary Poppins — Si Mariang May Putok

6. The Blair Witch Project — Ang Proyekto ng Bruhang si Blair

5. Million Dollar Baby — 50 Milyong Pisong Sanggol (depends on the exchange rate of the country)

4. Love, Actually — Sa Totoo Lang, Pag-ibig

3. I Know What You Did Last Summer — Uyy... Aminin!

2. Dead Man’s Chest — Dodo ng Patay

1. Black Hawk Down — Ibong Maitim sa Ibaba

Just for Laughs

A Filipino walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to the Philippines on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Filipino hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Filipino for using $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Filipino returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says,
"Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000" ?

The Filipino replies:

"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'" Ah, the mind of the Filipino...